The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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