I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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