I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
