Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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