You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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