My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
