I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
