i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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