Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize