hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
