I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
