I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
