Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
