You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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