dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
