Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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