I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
