I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
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thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
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I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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