hotel room ftw
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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