just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
