Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
