two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
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He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
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Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.