Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  nut hugger

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  (313): nut hugger http://tfl.nu/mtjw
  Replies (4) Good night (992) Bad night (977)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up

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  (416): Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up http://tfl.nu/zoaj
  Replies (26) Good night (1138) Bad night (2952)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend

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  (515): If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend http://tfl.nu/8ovo
  Replies (37) Good night (740) Bad night (3173)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  you win again, gameday.

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  (713): you win again, gameday. http://tfl.nu/vyt9
  Replies (34) Good night (3131) Bad night (636)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.

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  (320): I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it. http://tfl.nu/sdid
  Replies (11) Good night (5639) Bad night (1384)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I checked into jail on foursquare

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  (202): I checked into jail on foursquare http://tfl.nu/tcv9
  Replies (6) Good night (3083) Bad night (1227)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole

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  (908): My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole http://tfl.nu/mk1q
  Replies (4) Good night (2125) Bad night (1032)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate

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  (908): Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate http://tfl.nu/t9ao
  Replies (3) Good night (2368) Bad night (933)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...

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  (513): So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits... http://tfl.nu/sn6g
  Replies (7) Good night (1859) Bad night (894)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.

  (1-414): View more from Wisconsin

  That is like, the point of shorts

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  (414): Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard. (1-414): That is like, the point of shorts http://tfl.nu/qcbf
  Replies (5) Good night (1486) Bad night (883)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.

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  (423): I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick. http://tfl.nu/4wtf
  Replies (7) Good night (650) Bad night (1345)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night

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  (512): Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night http://tfl.nu/ggi7
  Replies (1) Good night (347) Bad night (726)
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  (323): View more from California

  I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..

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  (323): I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI.. http://tfl.nu/w8q4
  Replies (3) Good night (560) Bad night (358)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol

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  (520): Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol http://tfl.nu/prhk
  Replies (1) Good night (450) Bad night (236)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it

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  (+44): The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it http://tfl.nu/jw2n
  Replies (1) Good night (476) Bad night (218)

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