I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.