I just made out with a guy for $7.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
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they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
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Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.