can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Two words: blizzard sex
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.