just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage