chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
