Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
