Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
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