You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
