you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
