He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
