If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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