My first STD was from a foam party
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
