i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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