Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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