never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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