I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This is the high leading the old right now
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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