How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
