There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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