I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
