so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
