I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
