I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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