FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
