Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
