He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
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BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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