Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
