thus making me awesome and them whores
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
