before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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