moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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