I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
