i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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