I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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