Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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