suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
