They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
