That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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