based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
