Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize