We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
