Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
