Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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