Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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