Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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