dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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