New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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