There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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